Second Thoughts
by Jooles34
Summary: Connor's thoughts on love and loss during season 2 ep 4 spoliers for whole episode


_**AN**__ – Thanks to all who have commented or reviewed my Primeval stories so far. As soon as I get regular internet access I hope to start replying individually! All comments really are hugely appreciated._

Connor stands on the dock as Abby takes the piss. Mocking his relationship with Caroline. He tells her that they're taking it slow and she gets another jab in. Connor's had enough of being Abby's verbal punching bag. Why should she care about his relationship with Caroline?

He strikes back, snaps at her, tells her that her opinion doesn't matter to him. Except it does. It really does. And the worse thing is that she's struck a nerve. She knows him, knows how to hit him where it hurts. Why does she do this to him? It's not like she's interested in him or anything.

He thinks Caroline likes him. She's always there for him, cooks for him, laughs at his jokes, but will barely even kiss him. And he can't let himself think about why. It's confusing and it hurts and Abby sees it all.

And so he snipes at Abby, he bickers and he holds onto that wonderful little moment of hurt confusion on her face when he tells her to stay out of his business.

Later they fight over Rex's limp, shivering body. Connor's joy that Caroline stayed evaporates under the glare that Abby gives him. And he's reminded again of how much her opinion counts. And he hates it.

Pushed away from Rex, from Abby, he slinks away to bed; alone again. Hearing Abby's soft tones he's reassured that Rex is going to be okay. He stares at his resolutely silent phone. Abby has scared her off. All her shouting. Caroline will never call him now. He brings up her number on his phone, his finger hovering over the call button.

He closes his phone. He's not even really sure why.

Connor stays in bed. He has no reason to get up. Caroline hasn't called and Abby clearly doesn't want him around. And then Cutter calls. Cutter needs him, gives him purpose.

On the boat with Cutter Connor is accepted; knows where he belongs. Cutter talks to him, confides in him. Cutter believes him straight away when he talks about the cleaner. Not like Abby who dismissed him just like she always does.

And Cutter dismisses her! Listens to him, but cuts Abby off with a flick of his hand. And it feels good; it shouldn't feel good, but it does. Let her know how it feels. So he is angry when she starts to take the piss again, but nothing can dampen the warm glow that sits in his belly.

And then Abby disappears and everything changes.

The flat is wrong. It's just wrong. It smells of her, it feels of her, everything here is hers. His phone rings. It's Caroline. Again. He ignores it. Again. Rex comes to him. Does he sense there is something wrong? Connor doesn't know, but he just reminds him of the fight last night. How they have been fighting for days. Fighting over Caroline.

His phone rings again. He expects it to be her again. It's not. It's Cutter. He doesn't want him now either.

Connor is angry. Angry at Cutter, angry at the world, angry at himself. He doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to share his feelings. And yet he does. He tells Cutter about the fight and Cutter tells him she would know. Know how he felt about her. Connor agrees, but inside he knows Cutter's wrong. A snort of humourless laugh spills out as he answers him.

Abby didn't know. She never knew. Not really. He barely knew. So he lies. He tells Cutter he's fine. But inside his heart breaks a little more. He let Abby die without knowing what she meant to him. He thinks a part of him has just died.

And just as suddenly he comes back to life. Seeing Abby standing there, alive, breathing, heart beating, whole. His body moves, taking him towards her, towards the creature standing between them. He won't let anything between them again.

As he sails threw the air he hears her scream. A scream full of anguish for him. And it lifts him. The scream echoes around his heart as he pushes himself back to the surface of the water. She does know. She must know, surely? The scream propels him through the room, through the anomaly and into the unknown; his only certainty is Abby. Getting to Abby, saving Abby, loving Abby.

He hears a different scream. This one almost blinds him with fear, but it still pushes him. He finds a strength he didn't know he had. Finds strength for both of them.

But then she's going. Slipping. Slipping from him in every way imaginable. And he remembers. Remembers the pain of her not knowing. And he can't let it happen again. So he tells her. With more resolve and certainty than he has ever felt before, he tells her. He watches as desperation in her eyes turns to hope.

And moments later he is holding her in his arms. And it feels so right. She belongs here; here in his embrace. She clings to him; lets him support her as they leave the anomaly and the creatures behind. Leave the fear behind.

They head out of the warehouse towards the light. Connor feels like he is entering a new world. Forget the anomalies. This is the future. Him and Abby; here and now.

Then she says it. A whisper like she's embarrassed at the very thought. "He's not my boyfriend."

And Connor's world shatters and splinters around him. He was stupid. He shouldn't have told her. She didn't need to know. She didn't want to know.

So he's not expecting it when she confronts him. He had been happy just walking back into the flat with her. It feels like home again. And he thinks he can cope with that. Maybe that's enough. So he's ready to deny it. He tries to deny it, but she keeps pushing him and looking at him. And there is such honesty in those eyes that he can't. He can't lie. But he can't find the words. For someone that talks all the time he never has the right words when he needs them.

Then suddenly someone else is speaking and his words aren't needed anymore. The moment is lost and broken. But Caroline is real, and she's here. Here for him. Wanting to be with him. So he goes with her. Abby smiles her encouragement making it clear she doesn't want him here.

He flees down the stairs, trying to push out of his mind that it isn't just the theatre he hadn't given a second thought to today.


End file.
